April Journal

Gentle Readers, welcome to April in Belfast. Here is another instalment of my journal, edited for content and to fit the time allotted.

8 April

The Boys Brigade Display night just got over. I have had a hell week. It’s not even over. I still have the FWP car wash to do tomorrow. Mel should arrive just in the nick of time. Let’s recap the month so far:

On Sunday Mel took the Bible class and The Point. We talked about the Pope, dying the day before. That’s something that I didn’t think I would be dealing with this year, the death and subsequent appointment of a Pope. The news has been dominated with news of it ever since. Monday I went into the office, only to be roped into a meeting. I spent the afternoon at home and then Melissa and I went to a community showcase at the Indian Community Centre…I found out about this from Paula Tabakin from the Jewish Community Centre, not from Rosemary as you might think I would. Here begins my week of stress as I waited to hear from Denver University about a graduate assistantship. Long story short-no dice.

-As I can edit and add to this before posting, I’ve been thinking about the appointment of Benedict XVI. I’m not sure I included this in later journal entries, so here is how I found out that there is a new Pope. I was at Padrig, Dani, and Steven’s house, visiting with Dani, when Pad came home. He hadn’t been there long when we heard, from the kitchen, that he got a text message. Then, “Shit. We have a new Pope.” Padrig, being up on Catholic Church policy and politics was quite upset about the selection of this particular man as Pope. Since that day, I’ve kept my ear to the ground and not really heard much positive about the new guy. The hope seems to be that the new Pope will be listening to the Holy Spirit’s calling, rather than doing what he has traditionally done up until this point.-

Thursday was school in St. Pats and the game of ‘Stump the Protestant’ went well. I’m not sure how many more weeks I will be working with these kids, but it’s great. I think they’re fantastic. They are definitely a light in my week. That night I went to B.B. for the last time and it was the show as usual. Followed tonight by the display night. After B.B. I booked it home and then was out the door again just as fast off to White’s Tavern to attend Michael and Anna’s Goth Night. I went, paid my entrance fee, had my pint of Magner’s Cider and then chatted for a while and then I was out the door. I just wasn’t in the mood. By this point I had called Denver and heard from the secretary that I was probably not being offered an assistantship, but that she wasn’t actually sure. Perfect, I thought, all the depression of being rejected and none of the certainty of actually knowing for sure. It could have been the worst feeling in the world.

I finally got a hold of Dr. Mary Jane Collier of Denver University…and instead of stressed, I was rejected. Then I left for the B.B. display. The boys were fantastic and they nearly had me crying, making me an honorary officer and giving me some cufflinks and a nice pen. It was a wonderful feeling, and a nice conclusion to the night.

11 April

Ah, Monday morning and the Y.A.V. meeting gets underway in a little bit. It’s my day to do the devotional/ worship/ lesson for the meeting. I’m doing something on fair trade and fasting and then moving on to decision-making and choices and how to be faithful and confident in your choices. Yippy Skippy.

My run Saturday morning was a fine; 17 miles and then I just found out that afternoon that the marathon route is changing (slightly), but it’s still changing from the course that I trained on. Lamentably it was changed, according to my sources, because of politicians who wanted the course to run through their constituencies. Instead of running south into relatively neutral territory, the run now runs straight through Loyalist Sandy Row, and then turns and follow Nationalist Fall and Divis Roads before heading back into the city centre. I am a bit more than pissed that something that I naively considered to be something apolitical would turn out to be changed in the three weeks before the run because of politics. Now it affects my run because I haven’t been training on the new route, but the old one. I am frustrated.

Saturday night I went to see my first film of the Belfast Film Festival, ‘Strings’. It was pretty good. The best part of the night happened after that, though, in that I met a perfectly wonderful new friend, Stephanie. She is originally from Singapore and works for the Royal Society of the Protection of Birds doing public relations work. After the film we sat in the QFT lounge and drank white wine and talked about films we loved, hated, philosophy and living as outsiders in Belfast. It was a fine night.

17 April

Including the one I currently have attached to the end of my emails, there have been three quotations about solitude. I went through the basic period of loneliness here and homesickness. But, by about January I was well past that adjustment period and was still spending lots and lots of my free time alone. I don't have any really close friends here...just a lot of people I know peripherally. So, If I'm not with a group of them, I'm walking alone, reading alone, listening to music alone, going to movies, coffeehouses, or just out- alone. But, again, by about January, I couldn't figure out why loneliness was feeling so good, then I realized that I was using the wrong term.

I wasn't alone, or lonely, but I was in solitude. Since then I've just been relishing in it and really growing in contemplative matters. It's more out of necessity than by choice, but regardless I'm finding a real value in those times. So, I hope that answers part of where I'm at in my spiritual walk.

-The marathon is right around the corner, three days. Monday, May 2. So, I think my next post will talk about the run, training, and all that jazz.-

Louise Campbell, Patrick Orr, and Jonny Stewart catch up on some sleep on the ride home.

A midnight beach walk turns into a midnight human pyramid.

The sun sets in Northern Ireland.

A small home in Castle Rock.

The Youth Weekend at Guysmere was last week. Chris McGrath looks out onto the sea.

Steven, my goth friend and the voice of God

Monday in Avi's I was having a mid-afternoon cup of coffee and ran into my friend Steven who was dealing with a pretty significant loss. He was drunk and angry. Then, in the midst of his anger and frustration at the situation he was dealing with he said, "Sometimes you have to completely fall apart before you can put yourself back together again." It struck me that particular morning as a golden spiritual Truth. There are times when holding on to what we were, what we had, or what we used to be keeps us as we always were. Sometimes falling completely apart is the only way we are ever reborn. And, God-willing, we are reborn more in the image of Christ each time.